IC: Route 29 Inbox

[harlequinhater]

ACTION/TEXT/AUDIO/VIDEO

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Comments

[callbacks]

Gambling.

[harlequinhater]

Dave, no. I refuse to set such a bad example on all of our babies. We are supposed to be good role models for them!

[callbacks]

Fine, I'll just game the stock market again, no big. Anything for our wiggly turdstonk bundles of joy.

[harlequinhater]

Is there even such a thing as a Pokemon stock market?

[callbacks]

[And, in the most bummed voice imaginable:]

No.

[SIIGGGH.]

Why you gotta bring me down like this, John. Have I ever been anything but the kindest of dudepals to your horrendous face.

[harlequinhater]

Hey, how was I supposed to know? I'm still pretty new here, you know! It was an honest question.

[callbacks]

Well you honestly broke my heart, dude. What're you gonna do. I demand some kind of remuneration for damages.

[harlequinhater]

...What kind of remuneration?

[callbacks]

[Wait. Really?

Dave blinks, then says without thinking:] Watch all ten Sharpedonado movies with me.

[harlequinhater]

[No, not really, but boy that title has his attention.]

What? What the hell is Sharpedonado? And why are there ten of them?

[callbacks]

[Dave youth rolls right off the bed, scrabbles around in his and Karkat's already fairly extensive DVD collection, and comes up with his prize.]

Feast your fuckin' eyes, John. This untrammeled shit is so totally your shit, why didn't I think of this before.

[Sharpedo fuckin' Nado, motherfuckers.]

[harlequinhater]

[John feasts his eyes on the DVD cover, but he finds that this doesn't actually serve to answer any questions. Actually, it brings up a whole host of other questions.]

Wait, what? What is this? What's the plot? This cover is so unhelpful! No, there is not enough said! This doesn't explain anything!

[callbacks]

There's a tornado full of goddamn sharks, John, what's there to understand? They fuckin' eat people's houses. You're watching it with me.

[harlequinhater]

This movie sounds stupid.

But I guess I can watch it. I will be magnanimous and give it a chance! But this means you have to sit and watch a movie with me of my choosing sometime soon.

[callbacks]

Is it Con Air.

[harlequinhater]

Is there even a Pokemon version of Con Air?

And anyways, no! I am so over that old movie. I don't know what I want to watch yet. Just give me some time to figure it out.

[callbacks]

Who are you and what have you done with John Egbert.

...

Also, yes. The one I found's called Con Aerodactyl.

[harlequinhater]

It's been three years, and my tastes have matured from being a dumb preteen to a much smarter teenager, okay? That's it!

[Though... okay, Con Aerodactyl sounds pretty incredible. Not that John is going to admit this right now.]

So are there like... Pokemon versions of all of the movies from our world?

[callbacks]

[Dave makes a doubtful face at that, but okay, John, you keep telling yourself what you want to believe.]

I dunno if all of them, but a lot of them, yeah. Why, are there titles you're looking for.

[harlequinhater]

Well, no.

[......]

Maybe. Are the actors different, or are there Pokemon world versions of, like, Matthew McConaughey and Liv Tyler?