harlequinhater | 001. [TEXT]

uh... hello? does anybody read these memo things?
is this some kind of prank? i wouldn't put it past terezi to pull something dumb like this.
so terezi if you're reading this can we just go through the "gotcha" moment and can you send me back?

anyways if you are NOT terezi and this is NOT a prank could somebody please tell me what's going on?
because last thing i can remember i was running a bunch of weird time errands for an alien girl.
and then i woke up here in a bed that is definitely NOT mine because it doesn't have cool ghost bed sheets.
also apparently i have a mom now?
she is nice i guess and this lunch box looks delicious, don't get me wrong!
but i was doing some important things!
i don't have time to be playing with this cloud bird thing!!!
(though it is a very cute cloud bird, i will give it that.)

i have tried to get back but my weird time jumping powers do not seem to work here.
and i cannot even fly anymore which is such bullshit! i forgot how lame it was to walk around everywhere.
also my sylladex is gone. so i don't have any of my cool computers or weapons.
instead i just have a backpack and this lame "poke gear" thing which doesn't even have pesterchum installed.
so. yeah.
could somebody fill me in, please?

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

it seems pretty weird to me to be honest!
i mean, i have a tiny blue bird here that does not seem like it could hurt anything.
but i guess that one day it will be strong enough to battle?
what kind of pokemon do you have?

really?
well I started with a giant bird I can ride on.
and it has two heads, but they both like me.

Karkat's just saying that because he's scared of her. But yeah, Yang's younger sister Ruby is here and she doesn't want her to be exposed to nasty language.

[And she's completely ignoring the betrayed looks because, seriously? She's just warning her brother, you babies.]

You'd be surprised, they let us work anywhere with no resumes required! It's so weird, but fun? I like working at the drive in!

omg john
i forgot you get like this about babies
no no no no no there are no postMEN
its pidgey post!
or much larger bird post
or charizard post

whatever a given breeder has
dont worry about it theyre fine!

oh my god its not about your dumb opinion!!!!
you hurt ashleys feelings!
and yes maybe people can spout off their blowholes freely but that doesnt mean it wont hurt anybody!

well if she can kick butt
even if she's a little bunny
I'm sure she's fine!!!

[... WAIT HOLD THE PHONE. Game session... and the colored text...]

hey can I ask something weird
I mean it's not really weird but it's kinda outta nowhere
but do you know a guy named dave strider?

uh..... sorry but do i know you?
i don't think i know anybody who types like you, but i guess i could be wrong.

and what's the deal with ledges???

yeah i do!
he was a little shouty troll who tried to troll me backwards with time shenanigans.
but in the end he really only trolled himself.
he made me a shipping chart once.

why? do you know a dude named karkat, too?

woah!!
a two headed bird sounds pretty intense.
do the two heads argue with each other?
or are they controlled by the same brain somehow?

Heh, sorry about that. There was another version of you here before. Think alternate timelines, I guess. It's the easiest way to wrap your head around it.

Name's Riku, though. Been here a while, and as far as ledges go, they're impossible to climb unless you happen to have a goat on you. Seriously, people have spent hours trying to get past them before.

That's the kinda world this is. There's some internal logic, I guess, but then you get shark tornadoes and living letters turning everything to crystals.

I guess it makes sense if she has a little sister. I will do my best not to swear around little kids either!

[He might be underestimating Ruby's age based on that comment.]

Okay so.... you can just get hired? No questions? I don't even need a fancy suit for an interview? I guess I could probably find somewhere to work, then... Though it seems pretty stupid to have to work an actual real life job in the middle of a Pokemon adventure.

jade, telling me that the postal carriers of this world are birds instead of people does not give me any more faith in them or their ability to safely deliver mail.

i just don't see how my particular opinion on romance could hurt her feelings!
i just said that, personally, i think it is easier to avoid making smoochy faces at other people.
i did not say that SHE had to stop making smoochy faces at other people or that she should break up with anybody or anything like that.
she is welcome to live her life full of whatever romantic drama she wants to and i am free to live my life free of all of that bullcrap.

yeah!
dave is like my best bro.
he is a giant dork, though. don't let him convince you otherwise.
why do you ask?

[...Um that's kind of weird. And something she's never thought of.]

oh
um
they seem to act differently, I guess?
and they do argue sometimes. I never really thought about if they had two minds or not.
It just feels that way?

I was just kinda curious
since your text and the way you talk about games and stuff reminds me of him!!

he's a really cool guy, he's one of my friends here!!
and he's super nice too
he helped me find one of my friends when I first showed up here

yeah i do
hes loud!
and angry a lot
i know dock workers with cleaner mouths than his
not for a lack of trying on my part

Grimm are the monsters where I'm from. And...I don't know if it takes pictures, but hold on a second.

[A minute later, she sends a video message. Aster the Prinplup is out of her ball, next to Weiss.]

- right. So I'm Weiss, and this is Aster.

[Aster gives a flipper wave.]

Edited 2016-04-09 01:19 (UTC)

[Taking a moment to process all... that. What even is your world, John.]

A Faunus is what Jade is! Was. But there were a lot more of them where I come from, and they didn't just have doggy ears, they could have traits from a lot of different species!

[Clearly the most important thing to clarify.]

I don't think magic is really real, though? At least it wasn't where I came from. And the Pokémon can do some strange things, but I'm sure it's all explainable with science even I don't understand it myself!

aww, man! another me beat you here?
i hope he didn't act too lame while he was here, but i cannot be held accountable for the actions of another version of me.
so if he did anything to make you mad at him then please ignore that!
but if you thought he was really cool, then that's okay and i am exactly like that john in every way.

anyways, it's nice to meet you, riku!

though wait, what was that about shark tornadoes? and living letters? i don't remember any of THAT from pokeman games.

i see!
i guess that makes sense, though i would not want to be one of your birds.
it would stink to share a body with somebody!
like, what if they eat something with peanut butter in it? i'm allergic!
it would be really unfair.
we would probably both die.

dave can definitely be cool sometimes, but do not ever tell him that i told you that.
he just needs to lay off of his whole irony thing sometimes.
you found your friend okay, right?

hahahaha, yeah that sounds like the same karkat that i know!
his insults are hilarious.
once you learn that he is just a harmless gray alien, anyways. they were pretty annoying before then.

[John doesn't know if Weiss would see a text while she's in the video function, so he decides to open up his video screen too. He's visibly grinning on the other side, buck teeth and all.]

Oh man, that really is a penguin Pokemon! He's adorable!

[He shifts his camera view up to the top of his head, where a Swablu is nesting comfortably.]

This is Blue. I just met Blue, but she seems pretty cool.

i don't know about that.
at least where i come from, magic is definitely really real!
i used my magical wind abilities to fly around and also literally become wind.
i bet you a hundred boonbucks that science cannot explain THAT.

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