harlequinhater | 002. VIDEO/ACTION FOR GOLDENROD

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heartswap

002. VIDEO/ACTION FOR GOLDENROD

[For a moment, the camera is just focused on the wall, and there's an awful lot of snickering happening in the background. It takes a good ten seconds for whoever it is to calm down enough to show their face on screen. The source of the laughter appears to be Penny, but something about her mannerisms seems just a little bit... off. She begins to talk with a barely restrained grin on her face.]

Greetings, everybody! My name is Penny, and I am definitely Penny, without any doubt. I am here to bring you an important announcement!

I- hehehehe- I eat my own boogers! They are very tasty!

[And then she promptly dissolves into helpless giggles. Yeah. Something's not right here.]

Action

["Penny" is making sure she gets out and about today, to maximize how much she can get out of the strange situation she's found herself in. To everybody she meets, she does the exact same thing - she greets them and extends her hand in a traditionally friendly manner.]

Hello! We should shake hands.

[If you choose to shake her hand, you're definitely going to get shocked by a hand buzzer - but who would suspect sweet, innocent Penny?]

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[....Something about this should have got Rakka's wings tingling... if she still had wings. Either way, something seems... wrong.]

... Penny? Wha...

[nooo don't eat your boogers bleeh]

Edited 2016-05-25 23:31 (UTC)

[It's all "Penny" can manage to do to keep from laughing then and there. Oh man, this is priceless!]

Yep, that's me! I'm Penny! Without a doubt. Ask me about all of my deepest darkest secrets, and I will tell you. I am feeling really open and honest today.

[Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. But Rakka doesn't know of such a place so she'll just need to settle on being terribly confused.]

S-secrets...?

[???]

Um, I wasn't really thinking of doing something like that. why would I want to ask about your darkest secrets?

What, aren't you curious? I could be hiding anything! Don't worry, I won't judge you for wanting to know.

[John honestly doesn't care if he's being a convincing Penny at this point or not - he's having too much fun in the meantime.]

Uhh... [For a brief moment, she really seems to consider asking Penny something, whatever that might come to mind, though just what kinds of things Penny might know were things Rakka might never even hear of.

...But, in the end, she shakes her head.]

No, no. I-I am curious, a little. But just asking about it would be rude!

But I'm letting you ask whatever you want. That officially makes it not-rude!

[Flawless logic, there.]

... Well.... [She looks uncertain at the very least.

But.]

John, I do NOT eat my own boogers!

[Have you ever wondered what you really look like on the network, John? Wonder no further.]

That's gross, don't do that in my body!

[Well... it's not the first time John's seen his body from the outside before, and he'd be surprised if it was the last. It's still pretty weird, though.]

Don't worry, Penny! It's just a joke. I am not eating your boogers, and once you get your own body back, you can clear your good, non-booger-eating name. I will even vouch for you if people don't believe you!

...do you absolutely promise? I mean about not eating boogers, but all of it.

[Squinting suspiciously as she asks. You wouldn't lie to a poor innocent girl would you John?]

I mean, I look like you too. I could- um- ...okay I don't know what I could do to you that wouldn't just be mean, but there are things!

[She'll eat all the Betty Crokorok snacks she can.]

Yeah, I promise!

[John may be a prankster, but he wouldn't lie about this. He's not that much of a douchebag.]

And feel free to try and prank me back, but know that there is no way to beat the pranking master, Penny. I am simply the best there is! My pranksters gambit is off the charts!

I could come up with a good prank!

[(hic)]

[Now who's the liar, Penny.]

...What's a pranksters gambit, is that a game thing?

No, a prankster's gambit is just a measure of who is doing the best at pranking. Whenever I pull a good prank, the gambit goes in my favor, but if somebody pulls a good prank on me, then it goes in their favor. It's pretty simple!

You have a special word for that?

[Is this some kind of official record?]

But if that's how it works, I will absolutely do whatever I can to push the prankster gambit in my favor!

Yeah, of course. Pranking is serious business, Penny. You should know where you stand on the prankster's gambit at all time!

[There isn't any official record, though, so good luck keeping track.]

Man, I'm kind of excited to see what you do now. But watch out, Penny! If you prank me too, good, I'll have to prank you hard right back.

I don't know yet, but it'll be good!

[It probably won't be.]

...But if you just keep pranking me back, how do we know when it's all supposed to end?

Well... It never really ends. That's just the life of a prankster. You need to get better and better to get a leg up on your prancing rivals!

Though I guess if you surrendered, I might take mercy on you.

A soldier of Atlas never surrenders! ...um, I guess unless they were severely outmatched and fighting would just put people in danger? But we haven't fought anyone but the Grimm in a really long time, and they don't understand concepts like surrendering anyway.

Well then, I hope you're ready for a prank war, Penny. Because I am not going to go easy on you!

[... Of course some new sort of nonsense happens when Ruby's out and about in town. Of course.]

Who are you and what did you do with Penny????

What? I'm obviously Penny. Look, I have the red hair and everything!

["Penny" tugs at her hair to demonstrate. Honestly, John doesn't think that this charade is going to last too long, but he'll draw it out for as long as possible, dammit.]

Who else would I be?

[If the month hadn't been as weird as it was, Ruby would probably believe that this was just Penny messing with her. But after that weird age stuff...!]

But Penny would never say gross stuff like that!

Of course sh- I mean, of course I would!

[Phew, that was close. He almost gave himself away there!]

Maybe I am finally just accepting my inner grossness, and this is an important part of my personal development.

[Nope. Not buying it.]

Penny's not gross! She's super sweet and maybe a bit awkward, but not like that! That's just bad awkward!

Hey, who are you calling bad awkward? Maybe you're the one who's bad awkward!

[Truly, the master of insults.]

[Ow, that stings. Ruby actually looks a little upset at first, but then she just frowns.]

See, that proves it! There's no way Penny would say anything like that to me! She's not mean to her friends like that!

[John catches that look of hurt, and immediately backpeddles. Pranks are supposed to be funny, if inconvenient - not outright hurtful. Time to abort.]

Hey, sorry, I did not mean that! It was just a joke. If you are any kind of awkward, then it is definitely the good kind.

Anyways, you are right, I'm not Penny. I didn't mean to wake up in her body like this, but I figured if I'm here anyways, I might as well have some fun.

[Well, this is certainly Dave--but maybe only on second glance, because what the fuck, he's not wearing his shades.]

That's not a nice thing to do to Penny.

[The lack of shades already has "Penny" suspicious, and not chiming in with a metaphor confirms it. Dave should be making some kind of booger joke in response, or at least be going on some sort of tangent about how booger jokes aren't ironic enough or something. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that he probably got bodyswapped too.]

You're not Dave. Who are you?

You're not Penny. Who are you?

["Dave" crosses his arms and waits.]

["Penny" crosses her arms in turn.]

No way. I asked you first, dude!

[Wart tilts his head slightly.]

That's an assumption. I might not be a dude.

Okay, fine! I still asked you first, person of unknown gender.

Hmm.

[Uh-oh. Looks like Wart picked up how to be a recalcitrant assbutt somewhere.]

What's it to you? I know none of Dave's friends would pick on Penny like that. She's a nice girl.

It's just a harmless joke! Geez. No need to get so up in arms about it, not-Dave.

[Really, he could have done much worse than "booger eating." This is restraint.]

And I'll have you know that I am one of Dave's best friends, so that just shows how much you know!

Ah. Hey, John.

[Wart dips his head in greeting, and fuck, he is soooo much cooler than Dave when he does it because he's not copying any dumb "how to be cool" code, he just owns it, oddly comfortable in Dave's skin.]

Having fun?

[Dammit. Well, John did kind of give himself away.]

Sort of. I guess it's interesting being in somebody else's shoes for once, but I hope this isn't permanent. Being this short kind of sucks!

Anyways, who are you? You still haven't told me, and I need to make sure my best bro's body is in good hands.

You can't guess?

[But he's smiling a little, calm and collected.]

That's okay. This is Wart. It's already my job not to let him get hurt.

Wait - Wart? As in, Dave's Pokemon Wart?

[John squints at the screen, trying to look for any signs that he misheard. Sure, that would explain why Dave actually seems calm and collected for once...]

Wait, does that mean that Dave's a Pokemon now?

[Wart considers the question, then nods placidly.]

Yes. He's me. I didn't expect him to enjoy the Psychic part so much, but. [Shrug.]

...Does that mean he can read minds now?

Of course he can. That's what I do.

...What he can't do is turn it off.

Oh man... that sounds like it could really suck. What if he's in a room with multiple people? Does that mean he can hear all of their thoughts at once? That sounds like it would be really noisy.

Is he okay?

It can get pretty noisy.

[Wart puts up with so much goddamn shit, guys. All the time. Constantly.]

He's taking a nap in the meantime. He told me to wake him up in an hour.

[Well now John feels a little bad. Here he's just been trying to think of the best way to play jokes with Penny's body, and Dave's apparently dealing with uncontrollable mindreading.]

So... should I leave him alone, then?

[Because Dave had definitely been on John's "to-prank" list.]

Depends. Do you care if he knows everything you think as you think it?

[John, how are you gonna prank a psychic?]

Ugh. I don't know.

[Does he ever think things around Dave that he wouldn't want Dave knowing? John's suddenly second guessing every interaction he's ever had.]

But I mean, like, is it going to be annoying to him to hang out with other people? I won't give him a headache just by being around him and thinking stuff, will I?

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002. VIDEO/ACTION FOR GOLDENROD

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