harlequinhater | 001. [TEXT]

uh... hello? does anybody read these memo things?
is this some kind of prank? i wouldn't put it past terezi to pull something dumb like this.
so terezi if you're reading this can we just go through the "gotcha" moment and can you send me back?

anyways if you are NOT terezi and this is NOT a prank could somebody please tell me what's going on?
because last thing i can remember i was running a bunch of weird time errands for an alien girl.
and then i woke up here in a bed that is definitely NOT mine because it doesn't have cool ghost bed sheets.
also apparently i have a mom now?
she is nice i guess and this lunch box looks delicious, don't get me wrong!
but i was doing some important things!
i don't have time to be playing with this cloud bird thing!!!
(though it is a very cute cloud bird, i will give it that.)

i have tried to get back but my weird time jumping powers do not seem to work here.
and i cannot even fly anymore which is such bullshit! i forgot how lame it was to walk around everywhere.
also my sylladex is gone. so i don't have any of my cool computers or weapons.
instead i just have a backpack and this lame "poke gear" thing which doesn't even have pesterchum installed.
so. yeah.
could somebody fill me in, please?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Weird time jumping powers are inadvisable anyway. Time has enough trouble with things.

In any case, it looks like you've gotten the rundown from several people already. Any other questions?

ugh, like a million, but i don't even know where to start!
like why pokemon?
also why does everybody have the same mom apparently? how many children does she think she has?
and do pokemon poop?
because right now this cloud bird is nesting in my hair and i dont want to find out if the shampoo in my backpack washes out poke poop.

I don't know why that woman thinks she's everyone's mother, but that's one of the less weird things about this place.

Also yes, I'm fairly certain most of them do, but most Pokemon tend to at least know not to do it on people unless they really dislike you.

well, alright. i guess i will try not to piss off the little bird.

my name is john, by the way!
who are you?

Probably wise.

My name is Naoya. I've been here a while, though not as long as some other people.

naoya's a cool name!
it is nice to meet you.

so how long have you been here for? i've only been here for a couple of hours.

I've been here for fourteen months.

wow, that's a long time!
have you had a lot of cool pokemon adventures in all that time?

A few, though I've settled into my job at a bakery.

We can't all be tearing up the countryside with bolts of lightning or jets of fire.

a bakery huh....
what kind of things do you bake?

[This is an important question. Answer wisely.]

All sorts of things. Pokepuffs - which are for Pokemon only, I don't advise eating them yourself, cakes, pies, cupcakes, cream puffs... and I've been experimenting with new things to add to the menu.

ughhh, cake.
cake is so overdone! seriously!
why does everyone think it's the epitome of awesome desserts?
like, it's everywhere! for every celebration! i am so sick of it!

[A sudden, terrible thought occurs to him.]

oh man, please tell me there is no such thing as pokemon betty crocker.

That's why there's options.

... That's some American brand, isn't it? I don't believe there is one, or if there is I haven't seen it.

thank god!
if you ever see a product with a red spoon on it DO NOT TRUST IT.
betty crocker is EVIL and is out to ruin good food everywhere.
including seemingly innocent candies like starburst!

If you say so.

[Shush, small panicky child.]

[Never.]

i'm serious!
oh yeah also she might be an evil alien from another dimension, so that's even MORE reason to distrust her products.
i think trolls might eat their babies or something like that? actually don't quote me on that.
but it wouldn't surprise me!
so if you see any sign of betty crocker and her nefarious baking goods ANYWHERE you should let me know.

Evil creatures from other worlds isn't exactly something I'm worried about. Not for the most part at home, anyway.

[Angels, sure, but they're... a special class of creature.]

But trolls - do you know Dave, then?

yeah!
dave is like my best bro.
do YOU know dave?

I do. We've been in contact for a while.

[He's got his feelings on Dave and his issues but that's not something to discuss to Dave's friend without reason to do so.]

He's in Goldenrod with the rest of his... rather large group, at least the last time I checked.

large group?
oh man, who all is there?
i have heard about jade and karkat but is there anybody else?

A group of girls from a different world, I believe. You'll have to ask him about it.

huh, really? well good for him i guess!
terezi kind of seemed to like him for a bit so i guess he must have a way with alien girls or something.
it sounds like i will get to meet all of them soon anyways.

Ah, they're teleporting you over? That's handy.

yeah i guess so!
it definitely beats walking all the way out to find them.

Walking's good for you, though. Too much teleporting and you'll just get lazy.

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