001. [TEXT]

[harlequinhater]

uh... hello? does anybody read these memo things?
is this some kind of prank? i wouldn't put it past terezi to pull something dumb like this.
so terezi if you're reading this can we just go through the "gotcha" moment and can you send me back?

anyways if you are NOT terezi and this is NOT a prank could somebody please tell me what's going on?
because last thing i can remember i was running a bunch of weird time errands for an alien girl.
and then i woke up here in a bed that is definitely NOT mine because it doesn't have cool ghost bed sheets.
also apparently i have a mom now?
she is nice i guess and this lunch box looks delicious, don't get me wrong!
but i was doing some important things!
i don't have time to be playing with this cloud bird thing!!!
(though it is a very cute cloud bird, i will give it that.)

i have tried to get back but my weird time jumping powers do not seem to work here.
and i cannot even fly anymore which is such bullshit! i forgot how lame it was to walk around everywhere.
also my sylladex is gone. so i don't have any of my cool computers or weapons.
instead i just have a backpack and this lame "poke gear" thing which doesn't even have pesterchum installed.
so. yeah.
could somebody fill me in, please?

Comments

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

haha, very funny.
well the first ugly pokemon that i see i am going to catch and i will name it dave striders ugly butt face.
how does that feel?

[Text]

[callbacks]

awesome
ill teach it how to freestyle

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

can pokemon even freestyle?
i thought they could only say their own names.

[Text]

[callbacks]

wow john im offended on behalf of friendly pocket monsters everywhere
anything is possible if you BELIEVE
back to your question though no this isnt a dream bubble
its just
i dunno were inexplicably in another world and i for one as a member of team dead dave am not in a humongous rush to get back

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

huh. yeah, i guess i don't really blame you.
playing around with pokemons seems like a lot more fun than being dead.
and i guess that even if i've gone back and saved you, this version of you would still be dead.
or maybe you'd just cease to exist?

anyways, how long have you been here if you've already had time to catch two whole pokemon?

[Text]

[callbacks]

[Well THAT'S comforting, douchesnuffle.]

uh excuse you
i have

[Wait, he actually needs to count.]

fifteen
fifteen pokemon
ive been here for ffffiiiiive months?
yeah about five
you missed my birthday asswaffle

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

not by choice!
it isn't like i got to decide when i ended up coming here.
it just happened!

but wait what day is it here anyways?
is it not my birthday anymore?

[Text]

[callbacks]

john
honestly
maybe we should legally forbid you from having birthdays ever again
it never ends well

[Text]

[callbacks]

also no its march

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

march?
so i went BACK a whole month?
how does that work?

...wait a second.
so that means i'm seventeen next month!
i'm barely even used to being sixteen yet.

[Text]

[callbacks]

dude what no that doesnt count
youll only have like three weeks of being sixteen you should stay sixteen
also no youre misunderstanding its march but its like
2016???
so ACTUALLY wed be twenty but as you can guess thats not the case

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

but then when WOULD i turn seventeen?
i dont want to wait all the way until the NEXT april!
anyways if im counting my months right then you wouldnt have had a full year of being sixteen when you hit your birthday here either!
so i am going to be seventeen and you can't stop me!

[Text]

[callbacks]

dude i had roughly half a year at that point
thats round uppable
you cant round two weeks up to a year

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

yeah but i did a lot of weird timeline hopping and dreambubble stuff!
so that definitely adds like a whole month on, minimum.

[It definitely doesn't, but Dave doesn't need to know that.]

anyways, you're still going to be older than me!
what do you care?

[Text]

[callbacks]

well if were counting weird time shit ive got at least a year on all of you at this point so comparatively i should be like
twenty three
anyway i guess we can argue how youre going to have to wait a year for your birthday like literally everyone else later
are you sufficiently settled are you ready to get picked up

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

uhh i guess so.
i have just been on this bench texting for like the last hour.
are you picking me up using toe wart or whatever its called?
karkat told me you had a magical teleporting pokemon.

[Text]

[callbacks]

his name is wart and technically im pretty sure all pokemon are some degree magical
but yes
thats the plan
objections?

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

i guess not?
is there anything i need to do here?
do you need coordinates or something?

[Text]

[callbacks]

nah just sit tight
youre still in town right?
hell find you

[And then a serious-looking Gallade with a red bandanna teleports into town. Where is Dave's blue friend? Hm.]

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

uh.... okay.
i'm going to pretend that that doesn't sound like a line out of a horror movie.
what should i be looking out for here?

[John is sitting on a bench with his Pokegear out and a Swablu nesting comfortably in his mess of hair. He's probably going to be oblivious for as long as this handheld device keeps telling him there are new messages.]

[Text]

[callbacks]

hes white and green and has a very impressive shark fin thing on his head
also he can read minds

[Wart is, in fact, employing that particular skill right now to find whatever mind feels like it's talking to Dave. It's. Honestly kind of a unique feeling.

He walks over and waves to the Swablu. Get your trainer's attention, would you, dude?]

[harlequinhater]

reading minds is equally creepy, dude!

[Yeah, John definitely doesn't notice, but thankfully his Swablu is a little more attentive to their surroundings. She gets the hint and begins flapping her little cloud wings, until John finally has to look up to try and stop her. And lo and behold, there is a white and green pokemon with a shark fin on its head.]

Oh, damn, you've got to be Dave's wart. Hi, my name is John! Uh...

[He holds out a hand. Is he supposed to shake? Do you have to politely introduce yourself to Pokemon? Back to the Pokegear.]

dave i think he found me.
what do i do now?? do i need to give him a secret code or something?

[callbacks]

[Wart's been around long enough to know what a handshake is. He rolls his eyes a little and indulges in it. At the same time as Dave texts him back a "lmao what?? yes of course dude obviously" Wart says, telepathically:]

I can hear you, you know. No, you don't need a secret code. Are you ready to go?

[harlequinhater]

[John fires back a friendly "fuck you!" to Dave before looking back to Wart.]

I guess I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be.

[callbacks]

Okay. One second.

[And there's exactly one second of disorienting mind travel, and then:]

Hey.

[There's Dave, sitting on Karkat.]