001. [TEXT]

[harlequinhater]

uh... hello? does anybody read these memo things?
is this some kind of prank? i wouldn't put it past terezi to pull something dumb like this.
so terezi if you're reading this can we just go through the "gotcha" moment and can you send me back?

anyways if you are NOT terezi and this is NOT a prank could somebody please tell me what's going on?
because last thing i can remember i was running a bunch of weird time errands for an alien girl.
and then i woke up here in a bed that is definitely NOT mine because it doesn't have cool ghost bed sheets.
also apparently i have a mom now?
she is nice i guess and this lunch box looks delicious, don't get me wrong!
but i was doing some important things!
i don't have time to be playing with this cloud bird thing!!!
(though it is a very cute cloud bird, i will give it that.)

i have tried to get back but my weird time jumping powers do not seem to work here.
and i cannot even fly anymore which is such bullshit! i forgot how lame it was to walk around everywhere.
also my sylladex is gone. so i don't have any of my cool computers or weapons.
instead i just have a backpack and this lame "poke gear" thing which doesn't even have pesterchum installed.
so. yeah.
could somebody fill me in, please?

Comments

1/2

[callbacks]

[Four towns away, with a cry of "JOHN!!!" a young man flails right out of his chair and onto the floor, because he's a real chill and awesome dude like that.]

[Text] 2/2

[callbacks]

[Nobody saw that. If anybody saw it, they better have UNseen it, that's all Dave's saying, except he's not really saying that because if a teen falls in a forest and nobody's around to hear it, he's not a complete dweeb.]

what about if instead of that
you explained what the fuck youre doing with
quote
weird time jumping powers
unquote
are you jacking my style
come on dude you cant just jack a dudes style what happened to the sacred terms of our friendship
what happened to the tried and tested legislation that governs our fraternal bond
john
what happened to the bro code

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

[John has never been happier to see that familiar wall of red text.]

dave!!!
oh man am i glad to see you here.
anyways my weird time jumping powers are being used so that i can save your sorry ass!!
and im pretty sure that saving your best bros life trumps any other bro code laws.
also i got them by sticking my hand into a magical glowing house if that's relevant.
so where are you??
i'm at uhhhh.....
i think that sign said something like new barb town.
does that mean anything to you?

[Text]

[callbacks]

yeah new barb towns so far back itd probably take you a month to walk to where i am
which is goldenrod city for the record
probably the only hole worth calling a city in this whole region
everythings all like natural and junk and smells nice i cant hardly stand it so anyway what was that about saving me

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

ughhh i don't want to wait a whole month to have ANOTHER reunion with you.
walking sucks!!
but yeah i have to save you!
since i'm pretty sure you died?
i mean, basically everybody died. even rose!
but terezi gave me this list of things to do with the powers i got from the weird glowing house.
she SAID it would turn things around and fix the timeline...
but i had to do a bunch of weird stuff like steal stuffed animals and honk bike horns?
but now i'm here and you're alive so i guess it must have worked, somehow.

[Text]

[callbacks]

oh
uhhh
well as far as im aware i still died but like eh the fuck do i know
i mean i was pretty sure that timeline we were in where we all got gratuitously murderstabbed etc was the alpha timeline but???
i mean terezis pretty smart when shes not chugging soda and giggling like some kind of plastered troll juggalo
like a soda chuggalo i guess
i guess what im saying is i trust her intuition on this shit
so
thanks?
i guess????
for future retroactively saving my life in some freshly incomprehensible fashion

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

what are you talking about?
i mean you're here right now aren't you? doesn't that mean that you are not dead anymore?
unless.....
god, this isn't some dream bubble shenanigans is it?

[Text]

[callbacks]

nah this is some whole other level of insane horseshit shenanigans
did you ever play pokemon
i forget if you had nintendos or not

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

uhhh yeah i think i played it a little bit.
i never really got swept up in all the hype but bulbasaur was pretty cool!
me and him were bros.
i don't remember this fluffy bird thing from the games, though.

[Text]

[callbacks]

uhh cloud bird?
is that a swablu
haha thats kind of funny i have one of those
i named it after you

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

ohhh is that what it's called?
i've just been calling it blue since that's all it says.
blue is a cooler name than john, though.
even if i am super flattered that you named it in my honor and all.

[Text]

[callbacks]

no no i didnt name it JOHN
i just named it in your stead seeing as you werent here to be a breezy featherbrain at me all day
i named the rabbit jon
lil jon

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

wait, so what did you actually call it if you didn't name it john?
and what rabbit?
are there even normal animals here?

[Text]

[callbacks]

nerdbutt dunkass obviously
and no i guess technically hes a "bunnelby" whatever difference thats supposed to make
hes a rabbit that digs with his ears and also his vacuous bucktoothed face reminds me of you

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

haha, very funny.
well the first ugly pokemon that i see i am going to catch and i will name it dave striders ugly butt face.
how does that feel?

[Text]

[callbacks]

awesome
ill teach it how to freestyle

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

can pokemon even freestyle?
i thought they could only say their own names.

[Text]

[callbacks]

wow john im offended on behalf of friendly pocket monsters everywhere
anything is possible if you BELIEVE
back to your question though no this isnt a dream bubble
its just
i dunno were inexplicably in another world and i for one as a member of team dead dave am not in a humongous rush to get back

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

huh. yeah, i guess i don't really blame you.
playing around with pokemons seems like a lot more fun than being dead.
and i guess that even if i've gone back and saved you, this version of you would still be dead.
or maybe you'd just cease to exist?

anyways, how long have you been here if you've already had time to catch two whole pokemon?

[Text]

[callbacks]

[Well THAT'S comforting, douchesnuffle.]

uh excuse you
i have

[Wait, he actually needs to count.]

fifteen
fifteen pokemon
ive been here for ffffiiiiive months?
yeah about five
you missed my birthday asswaffle

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

not by choice!
it isn't like i got to decide when i ended up coming here.
it just happened!

but wait what day is it here anyways?
is it not my birthday anymore?

[Text]

[callbacks]

john
honestly
maybe we should legally forbid you from having birthdays ever again
it never ends well

[Text]

[callbacks]

also no its march

[Text]

[harlequinhater]

march?
so i went BACK a whole month?
how does that work?

...wait a second.
so that means i'm seventeen next month!
i'm barely even used to being sixteen yet.

[Text]

[callbacks]

dude what no that doesnt count
youll only have like three weeks of being sixteen you should stay sixteen
also no youre misunderstanding its march but its like
2016???
so ACTUALLY wed be twenty but as you can guess thats not the case